I consider myself blessed.  In between multi-tasking these past several days as my birthday approached, I have been in a kind of contemplative mood.  32 years old.  I swear, I really stopped counting at 22.  Not out of vanity, I don't know what that is, but I honestly have to stop and think before I answer.  I am not ashamed at all to declare my real age.  I feel blessed to grace this world for 32 years now.  

I remember vividly when I was 19 years old. I was in college then.  Backslidden.  I was doctor-hopping because the first doctor I saw recommended a complete mastectomy.  Needless to say, I had to go shop for another doctor,  a teenager to lose her breast despite the recommendation of the same doctor to do a aesthetic reconstruction simultaenously with the mastectomy is almost ridiculous!  It was in the UST Hospital.  The same place I went to college.  Silly doctor.  And he hadn't  even done a needle biopsy at least.  Anyway, it was a long story.  My mom's mom died of breast ca, it's in the genes.  The Lord led me to Dr. Sison from then Polymedic and he was an angel.  I remember telling him as I was fighting the drowsiness that I had from the shot minutes before I was cut open, I told him to please take care of me and he answered me with a reassuring, "yes, I will." It was as if it took only that and I was good to go.  

Why are all these trivia necessary?  Just a slight backgrounder.  Actually,  during that time in my life, I asked the Lord for just a five year extension to life and here I am living more than 13 glorious years after that incident.  I am overwhelmed over again whenever I think about it.  And if the Lord grants me that five years, I vowed that I am going to live my life at His disposal, to serve Him.  That I did, although a lot of times I felt inadequate.  He has allowed for me to see despite our limitations, that I can bring glory to His name and He is only asking for my heart, my willingness and my availability.  I am inlove with my God all over again.  And as I see the girls that I now counsel and see how the Lord is working in their lives, the Lord fills my heart with joy and affirmation that I am in the right track.

Being a pastor's wife isn't all that easy.  In fact, it's the opposite.  It is really like living in a fishbowl.  I am my different person and I just had the Lord use me the way He has gifted me.  Some churches can be very unforgiving if the pastor's wife does not happen to choose to be the superintendent of the Sunday School Department.  I feel thankful that our church family is very forgiving in this matter.   I refuse to take care of other people's kids when I myself am just getting a hold of myself trying to juggle motherhood, the household and the ministry.   My strength has always been discipleship and I stuck with it.  I left the music team when I gave birth and even as I consider my family as my first ministry, then I hope to be good at this first, then as I get everything together, the Lord will lead me where He wants me to bloom.  

My life is a testimony of God's faithfulness and I give Him back everything.  I am in a place that I will never exchange for anything in the world.   There were a lot of distractions along the way, but the Lord showed Himself faithful every time.  :D

 

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